What if?
by Carley Idonea
Summary: Josh/ Lauren – Series 5 Episode 16. Showing what's going on in their minds. Ending how I think it should've been. Both POVs… Plus Tom gets a say. Please R&R. Rated T because I'm paranoid and am not completely sure whats going to happen.
1. Chapter 1 Pain

**What if?**

Chapter 1 – Pain

**Lauren**

I loved that top. That colour was so cheerful. Made me forget why I was hiding. Then Sam tried to follow me into the cubicle. I'd let my guard down for a few minutes and nearly blew my cover. I was caught up in the excitement. Truth was, I liked Josh. A lot. More than a friend. I should've told Sam earlier. After all, she's my best mate. But she is a blab mouth. I trust her but… This was my biggest secret. I hated this part of me. That stupid mark. Red, inflamed, ugly. As the curtain fell down around me, I froze. _Not now. Please._ I heard the silence. Then the comments. Then the laughter. Male laughter. I turned slowly. And then I saw him. Laughing along with Finn. I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me. I waited for the black. Waited to wake up. Waited for anything. But when nothing came, I knew that I wasn't dreaming. Then I moved. Sam came over.

I dug around the folds for my blouse… but I couldn't find it. When I did, I heard Josh. His voice seemed isolated, louder than the rest. I didn't register what he said. Miss Fry sent the boys away and as the rest of the school walked off, I felt their eyes burning holes into my back.

"Nobody saw it." Sam said, lying through her teeth.

"Don't lie!" I snapped back. She was hurt by my words, but I didn't care.

"I'm not lying!"

"Shut up and just leave me alone!" I ran. Past the group of boys who laughed at me. Josh was with them. Josh was laughing. I took shelter in the toilet and cried.

**Josh**

We all laughed at the fight. It was a pair of jeans for godness sake. The girls tumbled into the changing room and the curtain ripped. Lauren stood there. There was a huge red mark on her back and everyone was laughing. Finn nudged my shoulder and I forced a laugh. At the same time Lauren looked at me over her shoulder. She saw me laughing**. **_Don't look at me like that. I'm sorry_. The guys were making comments. "That is absolutly disgusting" I didn't care to tell them to shut up. I just saw the hurt in Lauren's eyes. I stepped forward to help but decided against it when the guys looked at me. "I thought you two were, like, going out" Finn's voice was critical. '_I WISH!' _I screamed mentally. "As if" I said. Miss Fry noticed us standing by the door and sent us away. The guys carried on laughing and as Lauren bolted past us, I saw the tears streaming down her face. "Laur-…" I started… But she carried on running. We went outside and most of them had forgotten by the time we'd got into a game. But I didn't forget… I'd been cruel. I really liked her and I'd blown my chances. I was the worlds biggest idiot and I had to make it right!


	2. Chapter 2 Tears

Chapter 2 – Tears

**Lauren**

I knew that I couldn't hide in here forever. I fixed my hair, wiped my eyes and fixed my uniform. _Deep breath, count to 3. _A group of girls came into the toilet. " Did you see it? It was all red." I opened the door and walked straight out, leaving them to look after me. I walked through the school and everyone stared at me. They all stopped talking as I walked past then talked in whispers when I'd gone. _Ignore them. Keep walking. _I walked into English and nearly into the door. And Mr Clarkson. He made a sarcastic comment about getting lost and I apologised. People nudged one another as I walked in and grabbed the nearest seat. I didn't want to walk across to sit with Sam, but the seat that I chose was right in front of Finn Sharky. And Josh. I tried to avoid his eye but I couldn't help looking up. And when I did, He was laughing. I turned my back and sat down. Mr Clarkson continued with his lesson and handed out slips of paper from a hat. "Oi, Lauren" the voice from behind made me turn around. "What?" I asked Finn. "Can we swap, I don't know who mine is?" I sighed, "Whatever." He handed me his piece of blue paper. _Quasimodo. _Oh, he is officially the world's greatest git!

"Are you trying to be funny?" I spun round again; he stared at me with a look of mock innocence and confusion.

"Like I said I don't know who he is."

_Course you do! Have you never seen Disney? _"Well just give me mine back"

He held his hand back, "Too late now!" I turned back to my table. Mr Clarkson asked a few people who they'd picked and I started praying that he wouldn't choose me. "Lauren? Who have you got" Come_ on! _They all laughed and Finn piped up, "Who's that, Sir?" Mr Clarkson went into a terrible impression of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. We all started working when he'd finished.

**Josh**

I saw Finn annoying her but I didn't stop it. When people laughed at her bad guy, I saw her wipe a tear away. When Finn laughed louder than everyone else did, she turned her head slightly and I saw the pain on her face. I wanted to get up and take her out of the room. Take her away from the people who didn't see her for who she really was. She was beautiful and no amount of birthmark was going to change that! Dad embarrassed me by doing a bad impression of Quasimodo and when he finally stopped, it was clear that everyone knew. Except him. He was mocking Lauren without even knowing it. I got really angry but managed to control it. While everyone was writing, I looked up. Lauren had her head bent over her work but she wasn't writing. She held the pen and twirled it. When people began to read out their pieces she dropped the pen and just stared at her page. When Dad asked her to read it out, she tried to get out of it. "It's not very good, Sir". He persisted and I wanted to yell at him to leave her alone. But she stood up, her back to everyone and began to speak. She didn't look at her book so it was clear that she was improvising.

"It's just because I look different. That's why you're all scared of me. You can only see what's wrong with me and not what's right. Don't you think I'd change it if I could? Don't you think I know? I know that I'm hard to look at. I don't even like looking at myself. If I could, I'd break every mirror. Break it into a thousand pieces."

Finn nudged me, finding it hilarious but I grimaced. She sat down quickly and hung her head again. Finn clapped but I stopped him. He hadn't moved his hands during everyone elses reading. Dad went on about empathy and sympathy but I didn't listen. Lauren's words rung in my ears. Some of those were aimed at me. At the end of the lesson, she was first out the door and I followed her. "Lauren!"

She turned briefly "Get stuffed!".

Sambuca came right up to my face, "You heard her!"

Finn walked out the room, "Don't worry bout 'er mate. It's not your fault she's a freak."

Just SHUT UP! She's not a freak! " I suppose" I replied.

"Besides, it's your birthday!"

"And?" _What has that got to do with ANYTHING?_

Finn went on about the girls who were going to be at my party. "Who needs her?" I wanted her there but I didn't have the courage to say so. Dad walked up as we were walking away. "Hey, Josh" I went to talk to him. "I was thinking about your party. Well maybe I could go out for a couple of hours. Long enough for me to have a pint and long enough for you to have a dance with Lauren." I knew that Finn would still be watching so I scoffed, "Just give it a rest will you? She's not even coming. Alright?" I walked away, horrified by my lies.


	3. Chapter 3 Stupid

Chapter 3 – Stupid

**Lauren**

Sam chased me down the stairs, "Lauren, wait! It's not you're fault that Josh his being a stupid git!" I rounded on her, "Oh he is, is he?" "Of course he is, laughing with Finn and the other lads like that!" "Yeah, well he wasn't this morning though. Not when you were trying to have us married!" "But that was before!" "What? Before you told everyone I was disabled?" "I didn't say you was disabled! I just said that… OK! I'm sorry I shouldn't have done it! I was just trying to help! But this is why you never get a shower after P.E though, innit? Because of your scar!" "It's not a scar, it's a birthmark" I explained, " I've had it all my life!" "OK, I just thought you might've been in a fire or something."

"Well you thought wrong!" I started to walk off.

"Lauren, this isn't my fault. It isn't my fault you didn't trust me enough to tell me! I thought we were supposed to be best friends."

She left and was replaced by cocky Year 8's who were staring at me.

"What?" I said, annoyed.

"Can we have a look?"

"At what?"

"That weird thing on your back"

Oh god! I left them yelling after me, "Everyone's talking about it!

I sat on the stairs out side, looking at my hands. They kept me from looking up at Josh. I wiped my eyes. "Lauren?" I looked up and saw Mr Clarkson.

"Just don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you upset."

"Ok." I checked to see if I'd smudged my make up.

"It'll be old news by tomorrow anyway. Does that mean you want to change your mind about coming to Josh's party?"

I was confused, "What do you mean change my mind?" I thought that I was going.

"He said that you weren't coming."

"Did he? Oh no, I probably won't come then."

"Well you don't have to make up your mind right now. But remember it is his birthday."

"I'll remember" Mr Clarkson got up and went back inside.

I wiped my eyes again and saw the boys playing basketball. I picked up my stuff and stormed over. He was going to get it!

**Josh**

I looked up when I heard Lauren yelling. She was storming towards me. Oh crap! Why did the guys have to be here?! "Oi, have you got a problem?" I didn't know what to say. I wanted her to see the real me, not the idiot that I was when I was around my mates. But I wanted to fit in. I really needed these friends.

"No, what's your problem?"

"I don't have one, you do! If you didn't want me to come to your poxxy party then you should've just said!"

"Fine! I will. You're not invited anymore." I looked at Finn, " No freaks allowed" As I said it I wished I could take it back. Each word cut into her and she looked so upset! _Please Lauren, please understand. _She didn't. She walked off, a devastated look painted on her face.

Finn laughed, "Nice one mate!"

"Get stuffed!"

**Lauren**

I can't believe he said that. He called me a freak. I walked into the building trying to decide what to do. I remembered us mucking about in lesson earlier. What had Mr Mead said? It even bleaches skin. I walked into his room as he was walking out.

"Lauren? What can I do for you?"

"Um… I was just wondering if you needed any help setting up the apparatus?

"Oh yeah, that be great, um well, it's your lunch break, don't you want to be outside with your mates" I shifted uncomfortably, "No thanks."

"Ok. Well it's the same set up as this morning, it's still on the board and the equipment is in the cupboard." He handed me the keys. "Now, I'm trusting you with these right." I nodded.

"Great, one set of kit per bench. I'll see you later."

I stepped into the store cupboard and went through the chemicals. I found the one we'd used this morning. Hydrogen peroxide. I grabbed the bottle and stuck it in my bag. Then I set up the apparatus.

By the time I'd finished, the bell had gone so I went to the changing rooms. I took the bottle out of my bag and stared at it. If this bleached skin, maybe it would get rid of my mark.

**Josh**

I sat in Miss Campbell's classroom feeling absolutely awful. There was a knock on the door and Dad came in. "I need a quick word with Josh and Lauren please." I looked up. He looked rather angry. Miss Campbell spoke to him, "Well I can give you Josh."

"Where's Lauren?"

"I thought that she was sent home after this morning."

"No I don't think so. Sam, do you know where Lauren is?"

I looked at Sam and my heart started pounding against my ribcage. If something happened to Lauren…

"No, I haven't seen her since lunchtime Sir. We had a bit of a falling out."

Dad and Miss Campbell looked worried.

**Lauren**

My hands were shaking as I took off my blouse and poured the bleach onto my towel. It turned white. I took a deep breathe.

**Josh**

Mr Mead knocked on the door and Miss Campbell look confused, "Boy, I'm popular."

"I'm looking for Lauren Andrews"

"You and all! No she's.. she's not here!"

"I've got chemicals missing. Hydrogen Peroxide. I left Lauren in the Lab on her own and that was the last time I saw it"

Dad spoke, "Well why on earth would she take that?"

"I have no idea!"

I racked my brain for any reason why she would take any chemicals. I blamed myself for her disappearance and really wanted to find her to apologise!

Sam looked so worried, "Is Lauren alright?"

"Ah Sam, have you any idea where she might've gone. Think"

She glared at me, "All I know is that He upset her this morning."

"Well, we need to find her. Kim, will you let Rachel know?"

Sam stood up, "Can I come too please? She's my friend."

I looked at my dad, "What about me?"

"You stay right there," He said as he walked out the door.


	4. Chapter 4 Burning

Chapter 4 – Burning

**Lauren**

My skin stung as I covered it with the towel. Tears started to drip down my face. I knew that was I was doing was stupid but I pressed my hand on the towel. I let out a whimper of pain as the bleach began to burn.

**Josh**

Miss Cambell left us with instructions to carry on. I couldn't. I tapped my foot inpatiently as the clock ticked. Eventually, I gave up and walked out. I had to find her.

**Tom**

_Come on Lauren! Where are you?_ Sam ran ahead, frantically looking for her friend. I just listened for any sound that would give away her where-abouts. If she had chemicals, who knows what she would do with them. And Josh? He was responsible for this.

**Lauren**

The burning pain became too much and I screamed. I was too afraid to take away the towel to see the damage. I covered my face with my arm and cried into it. My voice rose a pitch when I screamed again. I threw the towel off and tried to see the mark in the mirror. I squealed when my hand touched it. It was burning!

**Tom**

We heard the screams and ran. Standing in the middle of the changing room was Lauren. She sobbed. "Its burning! It's burning me."

I held the screaming girl and tried to calm her. "It's OK, you're going to be ok, don't panic" I wondered what the hell to do. "Right, get into the showers, rinse it off. Go on!" She ran into the showers still sobbing and I turned them on. Sam stood there looking helpless and destressed as her friend cried.

"Sam, go and get Miss Mason. Quick as you can!" She ran.

Lauren stood crying as I checked on her. "I just wanted it to go away. I've made it worse though, haven't I?"

I didn't know so I stated the obvious, "You'll be fine. It's just a bit red. That's all."

She shook her head. "I don't want anyone to know! I don't want Josh to know. He thinks I'm a freak already!" I was shocked! I couldn't believe him.

"What did he say that?!"

She nodded, a fresh set of sobs emerged.

**Lauren**

Mr Mead, Miss Mason and Miss Campbell rushed in. Mr Clarkson spoke to Mr Mead, "I've told her to rinse it off. Tell me I've done the right thing and haven't made it worse."

"You did and you haven't. I'll call an ambulence!" He ran out

Miss Mason and Miss Campbell ran up to me and I cried!

"It's alright love. A few minutes yeah? Just rinse it off." Behind them I could see Sam. She was on a verge of tears and I knew that I had to make up with her. Everytime I composed myself, I'd cry again. My skin kept burning and with it, so did my heart. I'd been selfish. Trying to get Josh's attention the wrong way. Trying to get back at him. I stood under the water, as it washed away traces of chemical, and wished it would wash away today!

**Josh**

I ran down the corridor, the guys behind me. Some of them were laughing. I wanted to tell them to stop but I had to find Lauren. I ran into Dad, fearing the worst. "Is she alright?"

"Not really. She's had a near miss with a chemical burn!"

"What was she doing?!" I felt terrible. This was all my fault! If I'd hurt her…

"Trying to get rid of her birthmark. Someone made her feel so damn misrable about it, she felt that burning herself was the only way to deal with it!" He looked around at all of us but I knew that it was aimed at me. "Is that what was going on in my English lesson?" He looked directly at me. "Was it?"

I looked away, ashamed. "Josh?"

I spoke quickly, words just flowed out of my mouth, "It weren't just me!"

"She's supposed to be your friend. She's been nothing but nice to you and you do this to her!"

"I didn't so anything to her!"

I was getting angry, not at my dad. At the pain I'd caused her, at the lies I was telling. Dad breathed into my face. "What?"

He looked at me. "I'm ashamed of you. For the very first time. And I don't like it. And I don't like you very much"

I bowed my head in shame, "I didn't know she was going to get that upset." Truth be told, I didn't want her to be upset at all. All that I'd said was because of my stupid party. Because I wanted her there and my friends didn't. Because she was 'a freak'. Not to me she wasn't. To me she was Lauren. Beautiful, fun.

"Now it's your turn to get upset. I'm cancelling your party." Finn chipped in, clearly annoyed that his entertainment had been cancelled,

"That's well tight that."

I knew that if I didn't argue back, my friends would label me a push over. "Why?"

"Because you don't deserve it" I knew he was right so I walked off.

He yelled, "Don't you walk off when I'm talking to you. Get back here! And you lot, do one! I'm talking to Josh." He singled out Finn, telling him to see Miss Mason. He turned back to me. " I mean it. No party and I'm grounding you for 2 weeks. Now get out of my sight!" I walked away. I needed to find Lauren.

**A.N - Nearly finished! I shall probably add more if something happens between them in the next episode. However, do you think I should carry on with what they're feeling or should they hook up when she goes to his house?? Please R&R xxxx**


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